the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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