you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
