i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I cut my penus on the lid.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
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i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
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I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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