my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
