Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
