saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I can't trust your balls anymore.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
