just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
