They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
