i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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