Yo dont text me then not text me
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Do vagina's smell?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
