Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You need Xanax blowdarts
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
