you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
