She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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