Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
