So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
