Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you will always have a special place in my vag
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
