my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
