so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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