i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
