And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
