I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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