Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
