Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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