I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
