I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
if only i could text you this smell
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
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he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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