i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
