How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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