i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize