I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
