I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
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I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
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oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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