About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
