I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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