Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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