I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
