What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
