gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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