And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
