Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
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