I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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