Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
