She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
