Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
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