i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
