This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
