Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
