After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
