I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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