Kiss
Puke
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
