She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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