Pants 0. Shit 1.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
