You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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