We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
