Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
