dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
