I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize