hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
this hospital has no fireball
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
