NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
