fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
