worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
