oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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