I puked a lego.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
