My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
