Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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