He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
third nipple confirmed
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
