just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
