All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
