i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize