People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
