He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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