hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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