Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
