i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
