dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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