Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize