If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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