Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
